QUENTIN LETTS: In a classic British way, the security gates were manned by two elderly gents in cardigans who could have been from the local Rotary Club

To the National Cyber Security Centre, wherever they supposedly cognize each astir high-tech gadgets, to perceive Lord Cameron accidental we indispensable halt being truthful bedewed astir overseas policy.

We should halt grovelling to governmental correctitude and we should absorption much connected defence.

'A chill has erstwhile much descended connected the world.' We should spot disconnected 'malign' countries specified arsenic Russia and Iran by proclaiming our generosity and spot alternatively than being 'cowed by accusations of neocolonialism'.

In 1943, Noel Coward's Don't Let's Be Beastly To The Germans brilliantly skewered the naive Left. The BBC banned the song.

David Cameron whitethorn deficiency Coward's lyricism but helium was taking connected the aforesaid governmental tendency.

'Let america dainty them precise kindly arsenic we would a valued friend,' ran Coward's satire astir the Nazis.

'We mightiness nonstop them retired immoderate Bishops arsenic a signifier of lease and lend.' A soggy C of E, a dripping BBC: small changes.

You find the National Cyber Centre successful a shiny gathering adjacent London's Victoria station.

In a classical British way, the information gates were mannned by 2 aged gents successful cardigans who could person been committee members from the section Rotary club. A chap scribe was told that if helium became mislaid helium should cardinal successful immoderate concealed numbers for the operation door-locks.

Let's conscionable accidental it was the astir simple codification going.

The bully news: accepted Cameroon catering rules meant guests were plied with effect crockery and Danish swirls. Less bully news: the dependable strategy went phutt.

Whitehall's spanking caller cyber bureau couldn't get a microphone to work. For the archetypal fewer minutes of Dave's Big Speech a bearded tech oldie with a achromatic T-shirt, half-moon glasses and awesome tummy wandered up and down trying to find the problem. Had the Russians mounted a daring cyber attack? 

Or had Derek from the Events Department made a balls-up of wiring the plug?

Just arsenic Lord Cameron was talking astir our planetary 'connections', the tech bloke tried holding digit and thumb-tips to immoderate flex. 

The microphone concisely burst backmost into beingness earlier giving up the shade for good. If that happened successful Russia, the culprit would beryllium sent to the Ukraine frontline.

But this is Britain, truthful they'll person had a bully laughter astir it afterwards and Derek from Events volition go an bureau legend.

Lord Cameron, channelling Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond successful Carry On Up The Khyber, remained unfazed by the comms chaos, adjacent erstwhile the chap successful the achromatic T-shirt fto retired a wonderfully dense suspiration of exasperation. 

By present Lord Cameron was recalling the autumn of the Berlin Wall and how, arsenic a young man, helium grabbed a lump of partition arsenic a memento. 

'The epoch of authorities socialism was crumbling,' helium claimed. If lone that were true. Covid lockdown was positively Soviet. But his thesis was bigger than that.

He argued that our enemies were making hay astatine contiguous due to the fact that they sensed the West was not up for a fight. 'We request to follow a harder borderline to a tougher world.'

The assemblage successful the country was a substance of diplomats and tieless cyber dudes. One antheral was successful tomato-coloured Boden chinos.

I saw the erstwhile ambassador to Washington DC, Sir Peter Westmacott, and the Tory MP for Gloucester, Richard Graham, who utilized to bash Foreign Office things successful China.

Several aides from the Cameron Downing Street years were there. They travel him circular similar the papal curia, haloed by Dave's sheen – until the dependable strategy goes connected the blink.

It is not a small alarming to deliberation that successful conscionable a fewer months helium could beryllium replaced by that dope David Lammy.

'Security is decidedly connected the ballot paper' astatine the election, said his lordship.

And what astir that Natalie Elphicke defection? A flash of Cameron the governmental strategist. Sir Keir Starmer was demonstrating that 'if you don't basal for thing you volition autumn for anything'.